one love.

…or is there, really?

i’m not the romantic type. sure, i’ve had my share of relationships and dalliances – but i’ve also realized that i set great store on my freedom and independence. i came across the quote below by bob marley, and it got me thinking: is there really only “one love” in someone’s life? is there really that one perfect person somewhere? personally, i don’t think so. some might consider this blasphemy, but i’ve come to believe that those who want to find someone eventually will; and those who can’t or won’t settle for just one someone will continue to love, leave, and love again. perhaps that’s why many relationships don’t work out – a type A (one who longs to hear wedding bells) meets a type B (one who hears the metal clank of a ball and chain). who knows? there are always anomalies, but there are sayings that go both ways, such as, “if you love someone you’ll let them go“, or “you know it’s love when you don’t want to be with anyone else“. in any case, i don’t think it can be summed up so simply – humans are complicated, capricious beings.

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3 responses to “one love.

  1. epluribusgeenum

    we wrote on something pretty simliar today. we are channeling each other. like THE SHINING! except please don’t make me go on a murderous rampage.

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  2. epluribusgeenum

    as for actually commenting on your entry’s contents, i think the prospect of having one love is if you decide that there is one love. essentially, what you make important in your life will of course be a rarity to you. so i suppose there is only one love in that moment in time. i admire people who have time, patience, and desire to let someone be that for them. according to your system, i must be an AB. i appreciate partners that know how to enrich each other’s lives. that a singular person can provide so many things: a good challenge, trust, a source of encouragement, fits of laughter — with modern love i feel that when i find someone who could remotely do these things is impressive enough. but someone who can continue to do these things as well as expect the same from me is what i’m looking for. for that reason, i think i feel the ball and chain when it’s appropriate. that is, when it’s not working. survival of the fittest. i’m not carried away by future sounds of pachelbel’s canon, but i do hope to get there someday. (and probably not that song.) however i think loving and leaving isn’t a cycle you have to repeat. in my experience it has pointed me in the direction of loving myself until i was so full of love that i would eventually have to share it before i exploded.

    “if you love someone you’ll let them go“, or “you know it’s love when you don’t want to be with anyone else“

    these quotes– the fact that you can feel both of that at the same time is what makes love so dumbfounding. it nearly has no logical basis. it’s the world’s favorite oxymoron. it can be simple and complicated, maddening and soothing all at once. you can love one person or you can have the whole world at your fingertips for a novelty. it’s what you make it, i suppose.

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  3. according to my system, i feel you’d be one of the “anomalies” i mentioned. i did make sure to make room for those who feel as if they’ve got a foot in each pail.

    i’ll be forced to (partly) eat my own words in saying this, but though i don’t consider myself romantic, i do find a certain romance and mystery in having known someone on a deeper level for even a period of time. it’s going to sound awful to the true romantics out there, but to me it’s as if every relationship is a book – some are tragedies fated from the beginning, some are short stories, some are graphic novels. every book has an end, and you put it back on your shelf when you’re finished – but you can always revisit the story when you feel nostalgic.

    you list what you feel a single person should be able provide: “a good challenge, trust, a source of encouragement, fits of laughter…” to be honest, there were always distinct qualities in each of my beaus that i truly admired; however, there were also always distinct qualities i recognized would make us utterly incompatible in the long run. ironically, the times we would be matched in every way included both being type B’s (according to my system), which meant neither of us wanted to commit.

    as for your statement that the “ball and chain” emerges when a relationship is wrong, i feel i must clarify what i meant in the post: i was referring to having to consider the welfare of someone else when making personal decisions; the loss of the freedom to make choices that are purely your own. of course, i’m not debating the merit of your point.

    finally, i feel you’ve been “in love” more than i – i’ve certainly loved, but whether i’ve felt the explosive emotion you describe… i’m very doubtful. the fact that i can’t be certain is an answer in itself. considering our differences in personality, it might be fair to say evidence of my being in love would manifest in a tightening in the chest, or a heavy pressure. strange, i know – but to each his own. in any case, love, relationships, and life certainly are as you say, “what you make of it”. if any of the above were simple or had easy answers, it would not be the powerful and mysterious inspiration it has been over so many centuries. if we can’t have the answers, at least we do have the beautiful results of artists musings – it’s a trade i’m willing to live with.

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